I had to go the doctors today because I thought they were going to give me shots for my soy allergy. The jerk wouldn't give it to me. Instead he gave me another allergy test (I had one three years ago). He doesn't think my problems have to do my soy allergy (but he still thinks I should avoid soy). He thinks I could have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I don't know. Now I have another doctor to see... joy.
I am an idiot. I told Josh a week or so ago that I didn't want to remain "friends" anymore because of his girlfriend. He had IMed me, I had just wanted to avoid him. He said he understood. I still love him, always will, so no matter how over him I am it still hurts to see him falling for someone else. His birthday is tomorrow, so today (I stayed home from school to work on stuff) I decided to check his away message (I was going to delete him off of my buddy list after his bday), and I wish I hadn't. It wasn't his away message that bothered me, but rather instead it was his profile. It says: "True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it does." OUCH! Not only does he obviously think this new girl is his true love, but obviously he doesn't think what he had with me was true love anymore. I feel like throwing up. I truly have accepted that I'm not going to date him again, but that still hurts. How can't it?
I really need a new person to focus on, someone to fall in love with. I don't think this pain will go away until I do. It's been two years and three months. It's time for me to find someone else. I just can't believe I haven't found someone in all this time. I mean I've gone out on dates (Rick :(, Matt :(, Baldy aka Brent :(, and a weird sorta on and off again thing with Shane). I just can't find anyone that's worth dating. I'm starting to lose hope. Just like I'm losing hope of getting a teaching job this fall. I thought when I graduated college I'd have my life more together. Instead I feel so confused.
It's funny how I entered college dating Jon thinking that he and I'd be engaged right now, he'd be in the army, but we'd be planning our future. I'm glad that didn't happen, but I'm not sure if I like this either. *sigh* I guess it would just help more if Rachel wasn't my only single female friend and Shane my only single male friend. Yikes.